All that’s aired on the idiot box ain’t just trash
I’ve been watching a lotta movies that’ve really made me think hard. About a lot of things.
There’s Cinderella Man starring Russell Crowe and Renee Zellweger that was a favourite last year, and still doesn’t cease to inspire to this day. I guess it gives me hope that an indomitable human spirit and enough persistence and faith will get me through anything, even the most fucked up shit that hits me. All I need is a little strength, and some trust in the fact that at the end of the day things WILL work out for me.
Maybe I should buy the DVD and take it out to watch everytime it hurts to much to go on. God knows I need all the reminders I can get to not give up on myself.
Cake with Heather Graham in it kinda struck a nerve too.
I’ve been living too long in denial when it comes to relationships with men. A friend once commented that some of the “temporary arrangements” I’d had was because I was a commitment-phobe, choosing brief trysts over stability because I was afraid to love and risk having my heart broken.
I laughed that observation off and promptly forgot about it. But he’s right, so right.
When I do meet a nice guy I feel deeply about, when I find myself falling for a sweet man, I’ve always run away. By breaking his heart, pushing him away, or just pretending it wasn’t important enough to bother with.
All I’ve achieved in doing so was to hurt myself more instead of protecting my heart. Because in taking away my chances for having a loving man in my life, I’ve just left myself with too much remorse at not having the courage to try harder, and the pain of knowing I’ve hurt someone who would’ve made me happy.
I want so badly to let go of all my apprehensions. I want to learn optimism. I want to stop holding on to the past.
May I finally succeed this year.
