To all you horny men out there:
Just something I think all men should know, if just to spare me from horrendously tacky pickup lines:
Compliment a girl’s physical attributes and you’re likely to be written off as yet another sleazeball trying to get between her legs. Pay attention to the small things, and compliment her on things such as her smile, her intellect, her choice of fragrance (being able to recognise the perfume she’s wearing helps) or maybe even the way she does her hair up, and you increase your chances of scoring.
One must also realise that copious compliments amount to nothing when emitted from an empty skull. Ferchrissake’s sound intelligent when you do so, instead of parroting empty flattery that just sounds insincere and downright sleazy when said too often and at the wrong moments. Use your bloody brain and know when to slip in something nice.
Which leads us to the art of conversation, an obscure concept some caveman types have yet to master. It doesn’t matter how sizzling hot a man is, if all he can do is grunt monosyllables he is a fucking bore. If his vocabulary isn’t limited to single-word answers, but all he can do is spout effing lame one-liners that, it must be added, DO NOT come off as witty, he is a fuckwit not worth any self-respecting female’s time. If all he can talk about himself, he is likely to be a selfish lover. If he cannot converse intelligently, he’s liable to be written off as a waste of time as well. A man who tries to hard to sound intellectual will like be sussed-out in five seconds flat, and be labeled a try-hard and a pretentious idiot. Remember, the fairer sex is in possession of intuitive abilities beyond any man’s ability to grasp. So brush up on being a charming, interesting conversationalist, and maybe you might be able to at least catch a girl’s attention, instead of inciting a bout of yawns from her.
Lastly, treating her like a lady - that is, with respect, will earn her respect for you in return. For those of you who are too fucking thick to know what that means, well, that entails actually listening to what she’s saying, being tactful of her feelings, and showing her the courtesy and chivalry she bloody well deserves. Gain that respect and she might think you’re actually nice enough to pay a little attention to, and from there maybe things might progress to your way, and there won’t be screaming hysterics the next morning to content with.
After all, no matter how long you intend the tryst to be, we are, after all, fellow humans with equal rights to being treated with kindness and compassion.
Now fucking cut it with all the lame shit I get! “Do you want to fuck?” is NOT the sorta crap I need or will respond positively to (ie. give you the time of your day), so just bloody get it into your thick skulls, fucking losers
However, in the event you for some reason (ie. mental retardation) cannot be a gentleman, well I guess what my grandpa used to say could apply instead…
“死老鼠都有盲猫拖。”
More or less meaning even dead rats are sought after – by blind cats. There’s gotta be someone out there for everyone, even sleazeballs.
Don’t bother me. Go look for some undiscriminating girl who’ll make Mr. Happy happy, if just for a night.
Pfah.
